Congratulations! You were mean to Jennifer Lynch... and all you're gonna get is a Way Cool T-Shirt
Denouncing the Winners in our "Be Mean to Jennifer Lynch" T-Shirt contest!
First off, thanks to all who participated or even thought about it. We hope you enjoy your new status as enemies of the state.
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After the obligatory show trial our winners were chosen:
For the hateful slogan - "This T-Shirt exposes Jennifer Lynch to hatred and contempt" Lucas Timmons is declared Thought Crime Enemy of the People No. 1. PS. Lucas if you sign the "letter" you may wear your new T when we update your file photo - Best wishes Jennifer.
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The 2nd place entry, "The CHRC: Only Jennifer Lynch Knows The Safe Words" was submitted by Dyspeptic Mutterings, currently serving a sentence of exile in Detroit.
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Our 3rd Place finisher submitted "Jennifer Lynch has convicted you of thought crime for reading this T-Shirt" His or her identity is currently a state secret. At least until we locate the mass grave and the rest of the family is rounded up, whichever comes first.
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Honourable Mention goes to Black Mamba who receives extra rations for her entry - "Jennifer Lynch wants to ban this T-Shirt" Enjoy!
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The winning slogans are the 1st items being offered for sale to the general public in our "Jennifer Lynch Line of Censorware Apparel" - Fashion that speaks your mind.
All Three T's are available for $20 each plus applicable taxes - incl. FREE shipping in US/Canada -- in the usual color combos - Order here. Or send an e-mail directly to Alexander: alexanderofhollywood@gmail.com
Special thanks to our sponsor Alexander of Hollywood who has kindly offered to furnish the winners with the following reward for their efforts.
Each of of Top 3 Finishers will receive a Silk Screened Alexander of Hollywood T-Shirt with their Slogan Immortalized.
1st Place receives 3 T-Shirts - useful for bartering in the camps!
2nd Place receives 2 T-Shirts - think layering where you're goin
3rd Place receives 1 T-Shirt - be grateful your remains might be located
Head on over to Alexander's and check out his Gallery!
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PS. To our winners - I will need shipping information.
PPS. Wally Keeler protests the vote
Wow! What witless wonders won the T-shirt contest! Reflects on the witless wonders who voted for them.
Jennifer Lynch will yawn.
Ah Wally not everyone is possessed of your poetic genius. Besides the people have spoken, that must be respected.
Hate crimes for sale or rent,
Send 'em in for fifty cents,
Thought crimes on the net,
Caught smoking cigarettes,
Sentenced twenty years pushin' brooms,
Re-education in darkened rooms,
Censored my blogging ... all my speech,
Crime of my thoughts.
Third boxcar, Gulag train,
Destination...the frozen plains,
Worn out Bolshevik shoes,
Didn’t pay no union dues,
I wrote opinions I have found,
Incorrect and spread 'em around,
Censored my blogging ... all my speech,
Crime of my thoughts.
I know every Roo loading us in the trains,
All of their scams, and all of their games,
Every payout in every town,
And every favour that’s hidden,
When no one's around.
I sing,
Hate crimes for sale or rent,
Send 'em in for fifty cents,
Thought crimes on the net,
Caught smoking cigarettes,
Sentenced twenty years pushin' brooms,
Re-education in darkened rooms,
Censored my blogging ... all my speech,
Crime of my thoughts.
BCF: I agree that the people have spoken. Yes, I accept the outcome of the vote. That doesn't prevent me from commenting on the outcome.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xRNkKmg53L0/SkboBziuPwI/AAAAAAAABqo/z-P71dev0bM/s1600-h/Wanted+On+Charges+of+Textual+Assault.jpg
Yay! That's the one I voted for. Will we be able to buy them?
RG
Of Course RG! Hey someone twittered this entry - hits have gone skyward - hmmm.
LOL - love the WANTED POSTER.
If only someone would send us a copy of their last XMAS Pics - well who knows the mirth there would be on the blogosphere.
LOL, BCF, love it!!!
My favourite won, hooray!
Hi, Alexander of Hollywood here! Congrats to the winners! I like the winning slogans, and look forward to making them as shirts.
To answer RightGirl's question, YES, T-shirts of ALL THREE winning slogans will be available to public! It's the usual price of $20 -- including FREE shipping in US/Canada -- in the following color combos:
* Black on White
* Yellow on Black
* Hot Pink on Black (Kathy's fave)
The three winners can also, if they like, buy additional shirts of their winning slogan at a discount.
I'll need to know the winners' shirt sizes (in Men's sizes), and I'll also take color preferences from them (in case, say, somebody really hates Hot Pink) if they have any strong feelings on the matter. They can contact me thru www.HollywoodLoser.com.
For a limited time, ANY order connected with FiveFeetofFury/BlazingCatFur will also receive a FREE shirt or two (of my choosing) added to their shipment. When contacting me, be sure to mention FFF/BCF and you'll get VIP treatment. (This also goes for FFF's "Shaidle Shirts.")
Tanx again for including me in your super-clever and super-fun contest!
Meanwhile...
I enjoyed Four Horses' parody of "King of the Road." So here's MY latest Song Parody -- not yet posted on HollywoodLoser's Parodies page or anywhere else -- which rewrites Cheap Trick's "Dream Police":
"Speech Police"
(with apologies to Cheap Trick)
The Speech Police, they live inside of my head
The Speech Police, they hate that I'm not a Red
The Speech Police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no!
You know that bandwidth's cheap, but Star Chambers ain't nice
And when I blog too much I don't think I'll survive the night (the night)
'Cause they're waiting for me
They're lurking for me
Every effing night they're driving me insane
Those bureaucrats inside my brain
The Speech Police, they live inside of my head
(live inside of my head)
The Speech Police, with them our freedom is dead
(our freedom is dead)
The Speech Police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no!
Well, I can't speak Truth, 'cause they're listening to me
And when I comment too much, bet Lynch is trolling for me, tonight (tonight)
'Cause they're hunting for me
They're gunning for me
Every single post they're driving me insane
Those radicalized paper-pushers inside my brain
Mention Religion or Race, they're on your case, they won't leave Ezra alone
All those paid vacations yet still they won't let "Five Feet" alone
They hack my site, I can't read Steyn's "America Alone"
They persecute me, they're the judge and jury all in one
'Cause they're waiting for me
The Nanny State monitors me
Every [BLEEP]ing day they're driving me insane
Those HRCs inside my brain
The Speech Police, they want inside of your head
The Speech Police, they hate that you're not a Red
The Speech Police, they're coming to silence YOU!
For anyone who doesn't know Cheap Trick's original, it's here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFkbSAH7yb4
I have to get a good copy of the wanted poster for my office.
Annnd a t-shirt
Sorry to say robins111, Alexander of Hollywood doesn't recognize over the top wit -- his bland gland is bloated today, so you'll not have any t-shirt with the Wanted for Textual Assault poster on it.
Actually Wally I believe silk screeniing does not lend itself well to the type of poster you're referring to - like the one of yours I included in this post.
BCF, many congrats on a most excellent competition -- Alexander, thanks for your wonderful assistance -- and, I have to say, the parodies were inspired ;)
I'm going to order my own shirt just as soon as finances allow, and will wear it with pride -- and when people ask me, "Who's Jennifer Lynch?" -- they're going to have to pull up a chair for a bit :)
I really do think the best entry won, even as I choke through my bitterness. I appreciate the Honourable Mention and the unfiltered, radioacive Slovakian(!?) cigarettes. Once you've inhaled one of those babies, re-education camp holds few terrors.
Hold another one of these soon, they're fun.
(also I'm a girl.)
-how- do i order a shirt? i don't see them on the hollywood loser website...
Silent send Alexander an e-mail and mention FFF/BCF and you'll get VIP treatment - a free t ot 2. (This also goes for FFF's "Shaidle Shirts.")
Send your e-mail here - alexanderofhollywood@gmail.com
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